I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
