if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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