Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
