We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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