we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
