oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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