Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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