bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
