Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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