i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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