I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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