Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
