Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have feelings that need drinking.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
