I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
