Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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