VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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