She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
