Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
