I'm drive I can fine osifer
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
