Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
