Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
