I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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