so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
