Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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