I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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