Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
