I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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