so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
