yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sext me about skeletons
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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