Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just gargled with NyQuil
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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