im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
