so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
