sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
