if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
