I wish my penis had an off switch
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
