dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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