Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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