After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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