the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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