Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
