Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
