I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You made out with two different species that night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
