I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
