my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
