apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
