I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
