It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
