Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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