he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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