I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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