I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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